Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
