Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
