Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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