Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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