Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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