At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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