I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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