dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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