we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
