so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
