it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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