currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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