K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
