Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
