You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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