She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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