i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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