i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
