Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
