loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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