he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
