dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize