I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
