u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
