im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
