she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
