I'm going to jail i love you
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
