How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
