So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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