My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
