I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
