I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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