where am i from again
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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