i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
