dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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