I bet he comes in French.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG