I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
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its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
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I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question