Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
