Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
