I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
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I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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