and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
