Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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