Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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