I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
