Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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