Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My vagina is officially offended.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
