Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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