everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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