I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
