marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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