Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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