There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
