Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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