My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
