omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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