Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
