Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
