question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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