I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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