she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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