I wanna bring you to show and tell
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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