Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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