dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
