I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
