Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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